Faisal’s Tobril

Or the way I see it

It must have been Yuri!

Posted by Faisal on September 4, 2006

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction.

Depending on how busy my workday is, I always manage to spend a bit of time everyday readings news and opinion articles, checking out blogs, watching some of those YouTube videos, using Google Talk (strongly recommended by me!) etc. In short, well-developed and researched time-wasting schemes.

Moving from site to site and click after click on the ‘net, I generally manage to come across a number of articles and blog posts written by the group of people I like to call Neo-Cons; basically a large group of people that believe in George Bush. These NCs can get quite irritating. Not only because the always seem willing to discuss and comment on Martian International Relations, but also because they get quite upset when, Supranormal Being forbid!, regular humans wish to talk Earth Politics with them.

In fact, I’ve gotten quite used to their reactions that, over the preceding months, I used to indulge myself by inserting my various, and humble, Earth opinions and watch their blood bubble and boil (that must have been how all the water from Mars evaporated all those years ago). Finally, boredom overcame me and I promised myself never to discuss Martian Politics again.

A couple of weeks ago, an Earthman sent me links to a number of jokes, practical jokes and some sad attempts at humour. Turns out that these were, in fact, the latest headlines of some of the Martian Newspaper (Still not able to find their Earth distributor, but I hear that they’re opening up a Galaxy-wide outlet soon). Fancying myself a buff on Martian jokes, I ploughed straight in, only to discover that these were forgeries, and pathetic ones at that.

Alas, I later discovered that these were authentic pieces. Apparently, Martian News headlines no longer had gossip stories as features… they had moved on to pornography. I sighed. Nothing I could do about it. I had realized a long time ago that the Universe was not going to change because I wanted it to.

What always frustrated me is how other Earthmen tribes, as well as those Martians, just simply refused to listen to what I had to say. The Martians, and some of those tribes, continued to insult many of the other tribes as well as each other. Having left my first tribe, albeit without telling them, and camping on the plains, I thought I understood that most tribesmen were not bad people… but it seems that, as with all the different tribes through the ages, all you need to start a war is throw one stone.

I keep thinking of all the things I could do to end those wars… and then I realize that I’m frustrated by having to talk nice to all those different tribesmen. Some of the more naive, less intellectually-endowed of my former tribe call me a traitor to my tribe. Other tribesmen just won’t listen and like to make up scenarios of how my former tribe started it all.

The Martians seem to have up and decided that Earth should follow Martian rules and learn from the Martian past or they will declare themselves our legal guardians and tell us when to go out, go to sleep, watch television and even… give us our pocket money!

I still can’t talk mean to any of those people! At the back of my mind there’s this voice which keeps telling me: Be logical. Be Coherent. Don’t be mean or rude. They’ll listen to you if you talk slow enough. They’ll listen to you if they figure out you’re not trying to kill them.

I think the voice in my head is wrong.

I think that they need to think that I will hurt them for them to listen to me. I think I might want them to think that I will hurt them. I think I won’t be able to talk slowly. Or logically. Or Coherently.

I think I won’t care about the violence anymore.

Heh.

Maybe I’ll just start a big fire. BIG BIG FIRE! Maybe I’ll start dancing naked around the fire and kill anyone who comes near me.

Or maybe I’ll just hurt them.

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2 Responses to “It must have been Yuri!”

  1. yumna said

    first of all, i’m sitting at work and had just finished reading the news when i looked up your blog, so your first paragraph simply cracked me up..
    and neo-cons.. that’s just rich
    i really like your style of writing.. very funny, especially the end there

  2. Faisal said

    Thank you Yumna!

    Don’t be a stranger now.

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